Irfan Ullah Khan
Marriage is a sacred bond…
Entered into by two people who are committed in their goal to fulfil the Sunnah and attain the pleasure of their creator.
It is also a natural human impulse to want to share your life with someone special and create a family.
When everything is new, it is easy to remain enthusiastic, but the reality is that somehow along the way in that journey, many people lose sight of the beauty in a good marriage and fall into negative patterns.
The truth is that the bond between a husband and wife in Islam is something that needs to be grown and cultivated with equal effort from both sides.
Whether you are just beginning your marital journey or you are looking for ways to add value to a long-standing marriage, here are…
10 Tips to Spice up the Relationship of Husband and Wife in Islam
1. Set aside time for your spouse
Aisha (RA) reported that she was with Allah’s messenger during a journey. She said, “I was not bulky”. He told his companions to move forward and they did. He then told me: “Come and race me”. I raced him on foot and I beat him. But, on another journey, when I became bulky, he asked me to race him. I raced him and he beat me. He started laughing and said: “This makes up for that beating”.
When it comes to love and marriage, there really is no greater gift that you can give your spouse than taking some time to be present to them and their needs.
It is easy to get caught up in daily living. Pressures of the modern day often mean that not just husbands but also wives are now part of the workforce. This means that time for nurturing the marriage is often at a premium. Yes, it may be challenging, but it is of vital importance to set aside time, not just for the normal daily activities and children, but with each other as man and wife. It is this primary bond that will build the foundation of the family, so it has to be nurtured. Take drives, go out on walks, and even sit back at the end of the evening with a cup of tea or coffee to have a meaningful conversation.
2. Express your love through gratitude
“And of His signs is that He has created spouses for yourselves from your own selves so you might take comfort in them and He has created love and mercy among both of you. In this there is evidence (of the truth) for the people who (carefully) think.” (Surah 30, Verse 21).
Love and mercy should be the hallmarks of any solid marriage and relationship. We see that it is stipulated within the scriptures. But is this truly what is practised in modern daily life?
The truth is that once you are in a routine, with a person that you’ve been married to for a while, it is easy to take certain acts of kindness for granted. That extra snack that your wife packs into your lunchbox or when your husband agrees to take the children away so that you can have time at your Mum’s place, can all seem mandatory and expected. However if you think about it, your life would become more challenging if you didn’t have that in place. Just taking the time to articulate the words ‘thank you’ between a husband and wife in Islam, is a good start. You can also express your gratitude through acts of consideration, doing something thoughtful or using your own perception to do something meaningful for your partner.
3. Make an effort
Sayyiduna Ibn Abbās radiallahu anhu said: “As my wife adorns herself for me, I adorn myself for her. I do not want to take all of my rights from her so that she will not take all of her rights from me because Allah, the Exalted, stated the following: “And women shall have rights similar to the rights against them.” (Qur῾ān2 :228.)
Dress in good clothing, keep your personal hygiene in check, and always remember that your spouse is a deserving recipient of your best. Marriage can be a complex situation at times, but there are still basic principles of a man and woman and attraction at play in a husband and wife relationship in Islam and an effort made in this department can help strengthen the marital bond. A good scent, a clean body, good dress, and some makeup and accessories for the ladies all communicate to your spouse that you have a positive attitude about yourself and that you respect your marriage enough to make the effort. Men must also make the effort to be well-groomed to the best of their ability.
4. Do fun, halaal activities together
The Prophet (sall Allahu alaihe wa sallam) stated, “Allah is pleased when a husband plays with his wife, due to this he fixes thawaab (good reward) for them or he establishes halal rizq (lawful sustenance) for them.” (Al-Ifsah Ibn Hajr Haithami)
From an Islamic perspective, marriage is treated with the utmost solemnity. However, this does not mean that fun within the marriage context should not be had.
As much as marriage can fall into a routine, it is important that as a couple you two retain the identity of man and wife. Before the two of you may have become mum and dad, you were both each other’s sweethearts and it is important to retain that identity and grow the love that exists there. Play games, eat out at your favourite restaurants, and get the heart rate up with some fun adrenaline -filled sport. Create a buzz that you will remember and talk about for years to come.